BBQ Night Blast!

May 2011, Pasha's House

It has been a really long time since the last time I met these guys. We graduated from the same Junior High and it's kind of awesome that we still keep in touch like this. Last Saturday we decided to hang out together again and made a BBQ party. To be honest, the BBQ was awful :p really. The meats were good but the grilled chickens were total failure...But it didn't matter for us. We met again, we gathered again and we laughed together again, those were what mattered. 

 This was when we were trying to light up the BBQ. Seriously, we used a lot of Gas to light up the fire and at the end we spent most of our time hovering or sitting around the flaming BBQ pan, watched the fire and chatted. Pasha's cooker tried to help and she was really tough. Really, she touch the burning coal with bare hands!!! Duh! 

Adhi

Dikie

Shab, Risyad and Adhi

The party ended around 9PM and Diki took the girls home including me :) I should say that was such a memorable night. I really wish that next time we had this kind of thing Anna and Kevin could join us. Come you Aussie dweller, come back to Indonesia!!!

Oh, plus Muti and Andhika. Please guys, things kind of thing won't happen twice!!

Rainy Day on the Street

On my way back after a long day of work on TVRI. The street was totally crowded and it was rainy. Oh, Love the rain!!!

These are some pictures that I took on my way back. I know I'm not a photographer and these aren't good but at least I know I could show you what I saw through my cell-phone camera ;)

Street Light

Through the 4m Portal

Graffiti inside the tunnel

Inside the Car

Light Flashed

PIM!!

A Monster Painting in the tunnel

"The rain reflected the lights and made it looked even more beautiful. Just like bad things in our life, it made us see the good things as something greater than what we had seen all this time"

Mural Painting "Lounge"

Carving for new bedroom!!!

Actually this is years old carving...I bought the paint already, had the design on my mind and had those DIY bed addition on my mind. But, well, noted, ON MY MIND. I have no will to make it real....
So, what am I going to write this time? Some tips and links that will help you remodel your bedroom. Selected from some websites on the internet.

This one I got from ehow.com.

Difficulty:

 

Easy

Instructions

1. • 1
     Paint. Painting is one of the cheapest ways to update a room, and it takes minimal effort. Pick a color that suits you and paint one wall, the entire room or the ceiling. Get creative. Blues and greens are great for bedroom design because they give a pacifying feeling.
   • 2
     Lamps. Lamps are another cheap remodel alternative because they can create a glow of warmth in a room without much effort or expense. Place lamps or lighting in the corners of the bedroom, next to the bed, or in the corners of a vanity mirror. Experimenting with varying heights, wattage, and lamp designs will give you lots of decorating options.
   • 3
     Sheets and duvets. Here is another place to let your creative light shine; do a mini remodel of your bedroom by purchasing a new sheet or duvet set that refreshes the entire room. Add a couple of fun throw pillows and it might just look like a professional interior designer has spruced up your room!
   • 4
     Add a touch of art. To give your remodel the ultimate personal touch, buy a blank canvas and get to painting. Maybe you aren't Picasso, but painting your own artwork for your bedroom can end up with you getting exactly the decoration you want, and save you money.
   • 5
     Go green. Adding a couple of plants to your bedroom can brighten the room and serve as a great interior decorating touch. Try a hanging basket of ivy in the corner or a couple of bamboo plants; both are easy to tend to and grow quickly.

     
     

     Then, let me share some links that would lead you to the master:

www.ehow.com (bedroom remodel, ect.)

http://www.remodelingmyspace.com/ (Count the budget here!)

http://www.hgtv.com (Bedroom decoration, ect)

http://www.bedroomdesign.net/ (for your bedroom design inspiration)

http://www.youtube.com/--> PAINT YOUR OWN BEDROOM!

http://www.homebedroomdesign.com/

Okay, there, enjoy the trip :)

X.O.X.O

Future Ideas

Okay, so I don't know why but I feel like I want to talk about houses. House, for me, isn't just a place to go back after school or after work. House, for me, should be a place where the bond of family get tighter and a place where we as human could feel comfort and safe the most. That, of course, won't happen until we get comfortable and desirable house. I didn't say cheap and I didn't say expensive; I said comfortable and desirable which price will be depend on our taste and budget.

That house above was a house that I found on the Internet. Simple, modern and looks cozy. More important for me I has a lot of windows. Why windows? I don't even know. I just remembered that I once talked with my friend that I really love a house with big windows that would show me a lot of pine trees. So, over all, my future house should have a lot of big windows. A lot like this one:

Look at those yellow lights. That kind of light really help to make a cozy and warm environment. I'm not study architecture but I at least know what's good. :)

Move to the interior. Since I love simplicity then the interior would be the simple and modern one though I can't deny that I also love Mediteranian and Classic one. Classic interior has it own charm. It consist of pastel colors and Victorian furnish that would look really good with yellow lighting. This kind of design has a lot of details on it which if we can't put it right it would make our house look really crowded. 

Above is one of an interior design with Victorian or Classic design. See? Put it right and it would look really nice. Different with modern one which brought forward the simplicity. Modern interior design usually had rectangular shapes or oval, circle, the point is SIMPLICITY. In modern interior design the usage of a furnish is count more than its beauty or art. Though, this kind of design had its own beauty and charm.

The color choice basically falls on white, black, grey or any other main colors. The furnish looks simple, right? Combined with big clear glass and minimum decoration this kind of design would make our house look cleaner, bigger and quiet.

So, what if we combine both of Modern and Classic design? It would make the contemporary one. It has both of Classic and Modern sense on it which I love the most. That would be my choice. The picture on the right side is the Modern interior is the example of Contemporary Interior design I picked from the Internet. See? It's simple yet had its own complexity and the sense of nature. The art isn't left behind but everything on it still be useful.

This design could also be apply on bedroom. This design would be a really nice choice since we don't need a lot of effort to tidy it up. Well, in condition you're not that kind of put-it-where ever- you-like type of person ;) these are some choices I took from the Internet related to bedroom.

 
I am consciously picked those bedroom designs that dominated with earth colors. Why? Because I got this philosophy that nature could bring peace and relaxing our minds. On those pictures above which obviously contained earth colors I somehow could imagine that with putting those colors on our bed room we would feel like we're being close to the nature. This color choice is somehow perfect for city dweller like me. Beside, earth colors come along really well with yellow lightning which I love the most.

Well, I think that's all I can write about my ideas. I know, I might sound like a smartass but please note this; I JUST WANT TO SPEAK UP MY MIND. You don't agree? keep it to yourself because I don't care about your whine :p

Random Personality Test

I just had this on-line Personality Test. The test results are divided into four categories; Guardian, Artisans, Liberal and Rational. I found it really fun and well, could be useful if only I know how to use it :p

So, my test result is;
Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing goods and services--from supervision to maintenance and supply -- and they use all their skills to keep things running smoothly in their families, communities, schools, churches, hospitals, and businesses.
Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there's a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly -- they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.
Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way, for in the long run loyalty, discipline, and teamwork get the job done right. Guardians are meticulous about schedules and have a sharp eye for proper procedures. They are cautious about change, even though they know that change can be healthy for an institution. Better to go slowly, they say, and look before you leap.
Guardians make up as much as 40 to 45 percent of the population, and a good thing, because they usually end up doing all the indispensable but thankless jobs everyone else takes for granted.


Guardians at Work
As a Guardian, you enjoy working as a valued member of a team, whether you are leading it or following a credible leader. You like to work with people who carry their weight. You appreciate having clear-cut responsibilities and being recognized for your dedication and achievements. Your natural traits are those that employers have traditionally valued - and that successful companies still respect. You are responsible and loyal to an organization once you've signed on.
You are most comfortable when your life is structured. As a result you usually prefer a workplace that lets you create a routine you can settle into. Because you are dependable and exacting, your colleagues and customers rely on your work. Your ideal job offers you a clear chain of command, and lets you progress through a hierarchy based on your meeting expectations.  


As someone who really into Psychology, this kind of test is really exciting :p
Try it on : http://www.keirsey.com/default.aspx

Q : What life's gonna be after Graduate? (Letter for you)

Well, with that one million dollars question then a lot of a hundred dollars questions will follow up. My Graduation is less than a month and I started to have these questions pop ups in my head. Most of them are about life after Graduation, friendship after graduation, ect. I'll write it down and remind me please that 'I'll have to answer these questions in 6 months'


1. Could I and my friends stay in touch?
2. Could we be just as close as today?
3. Could we still hang out together with our new random schedule?
4. Would any of us change too much until we barely recognize each other?
5. Are we going to forget each other because of our new friends and environment?
6. Does 'Best-friend' label strong enough to make us stick together since we had different classes or even University?


Those are my big six questions since I can't think more of it tonight. Weird. I got a lot this afternoon but when night comes up....Oh, well. Anyway these questions are just the result of my paranoia. I'm afraid that I'll lose everything and everyone since these peoples are the most real 'friends' I ever had. I don't mean to be lame or act like a drama queen and makes everything sounds too much and too melancholy but that's just how I feel.

Confession Part I : What 'FRIENDS' meant
Ever since I could understand the word FRIEND all I can describe about it is that a friend is someone we can use to play, have fun, share some laugh and pleased. When I had a friend the only thing that came through my mind was this one "Do whatever she want me to do. Please her or you'll lose her. You can bear this but she can't." And as the result; I never say no, never argue, tried to not get mad even if she got out of the line. Stupid me....

Confession Part II : What 'FRIENDS' means, nowadays
For me, they are precious things that I will never let go. Now, I'm not only want to make them happy but I also want to protect them. I want to help them in any way I could. This time it's not like I arrogantly thought that they are the one who needs me but I also need them more than they know. I was lost, crazy and even heartless. I didn't know what 'care' means, I didn't know what sympathy means and hell, I don't even want to help anyone who didn't ask. But ever since I knew these peoples I understand and learnt a lot of things. I just don't know how to thank enough....

Best Wishes for :

Ariani Dwi Puteri

Azalia Zatadhini

Debby Damayanti

Endah Pangestuti

Irawati Ayu Rembulan

Kenanga Wungu

Sarri Setyowardhani 

Theofani R.R

Tyana Rahestrie

Thanks for revived me from whatever got into me

Best Wishes too for :

Dyah Indraswari

Putri Juwita

Maria H. Lado

Muhammad Hadi

Naufal Dzulfikar

And them who I can't write one by one

Thanks for being there and being patient enough to hear all my crazy whines :)

These are really nothing....

Fairytales

Every book that you read as child telling you happy ever after endings

When the prince came on the back of a white horse saving the lonely princess from wicked witch

Now you grow up as wishful dreamer. Telling yourself that your prince would come soon

Books telling you good things would sure come if you willing to wait for miracle

Don’t you know?

Oh, don’t you know?

Now that he left you, you could only cry

Falling on your knee with broken heart

Now that your prince left

You’re bothered to care that in reality, fairytales gone bad

Wishing good things would happen to day, created a picture of perfect lover

Then it comes the rain when everything gone wrong, there you left in cry again, again

Now that you’re alone you could only mourn

Retreat with the pain to your silent hole

Now that your dream shattered

You can’t no more ignore that in reality, fairytales gone bad

Oh, leaving the dream but live up your dream

Bring it out, bring it out

Let the whole world see that dreams in your will could make fairytale gone right, fairytale gone right

Now that you stand up you comes only stronger

You ain’t that dreamer with no power

Now you met your prince yet still beware cause it’s reality where fairytales gone bad

Wonders

I know I wrote it already, about things I really want to achieve in this life. But still I want to post this :p

This used to be my cover for my dream-list book but I think this is the best picture I could make to visualize my dream. And yeah, I pictured myself as lost black puppy on that picture. LOL

X.O.X.O 

Rainy Days, Change of Theme

So, yeah, I changed the look of my blog. Why? Does it look gloomy somehow? Well, it depends on you perspective. For me rainy days are bless, heaven on earth. Such a cold comfortable day which definitely will make me stay in my favorite spot at home, with a glass of coffee (of course, what a day would be without coffee?), listening to my favorite slow-beat songs and just daydreaming. Rainy days, especially afternoon, somehow could bring me a lot of joy and peace. It just the scent, the cold soft breeze and sound of the rain when it hits the roof and the window...Gosh, I love rainy days. But of course not that kind of rain...There are also some rains that would make me scream like 'God, please stop, these thunders are killing me!' and made me started to think 'no, I don't want to die hit by a thunder'.
Anyhow, this rainy looks of my blog speak something on my behalf. This is just how I felt lately. When it comes to rain, it comes unpredictable calming rain yet the storm could suddenly rush in. That's just how I act. I could be completely calm, peaceful yet gloomy at one time and in a split second I could blow up and scream as if a big storm coming in. In just like weather, I had no control....

Then I have some idea about why all these things happens....

First, I got like a heaven-high stress level (which unfortunately unnoticeable by sloppy and careless me) because of the upcoming National Final Examination and the fact that if I didn't past the Invitation Test I would have to spend more time to prepare myself for the writing test which is suck!

Second, the unexpected suck, mind-consuming and annoyingly distracting things just happened lately. Just say like I unexpectedly saw my Ex again and my heart stopped like ____________ then I have to pretend like nothing really matter. Or, the moment when I could smile widely like a dumb crazy ass just because I read a message from my out-of-reach and should-have-just-ignore crush. Love life is always suck....

Third, I spent too much time cuddling at home which unfortunately made me realized just how annoying my dad could be and just how patient I should be to be my Mom's personal Psychologist (for God's Sake, I don't even have my degree yet!!!) It was like this; I want to talk about girls stuff with my Mom. A minute I talked then I stopped to take a breath then my lovely Mom started her own story which was waaaaaaaaaaaay longer than mine. Then I kept reminding myself (well, to be exact, my alter-ego reminds me) that I have to get use to this if I want to be a real psychologist.

Just to make this short, due to the less school hour that I had lately and the fact that I had to spend more time at home I got my stress level jumping high out of the border.....

Stupid Thing

You stole my breath right when I saw you

You stole my breath when you said you wanted me

You stole my breath when we were together

You stole my breath when I have to take the decision

You stole my breath and made me cry when I said it was over

then...

You stole my breath again when I saw you

You stole my breath again when you passed me by

Not just stole my breath, my world was rocking and rumbling when you walked over me

Then....

I just realized how much I missed you

how much I've hurt you

and just how so unfair I was....

I seriously had no idea why would I wrote that kind of thing but that just pretty much how I felt when I saw my ex today at my Junior High reunion. I was the one who broke up with him but if I could say it honestly it wasn't because I didn't like him anymore. It was...something more complicated. One thing I learnt from this stupid thing is that;

 'I would never ever give up what I have just for an uncertain hope'

because that was what I did and I regretted it so much. Boy, if I could just make you read this...How could you turned my mind from that son of a bitch that always consumed my world and made me wanting you like this? Jeez, this is really didn't sound like me....  

Little Thing Called Love

"Love like letting someone into your room, even when it’s a mess. It’s embarassing, and they can see what a wreck you’ve made of everything. You try to push things under the bed, and into the closet so they won’t see. But they discover those things anyway, help you clean, and put them right back where they belong"
Quoted it from someone....
And I know it will be long 'till I'm ready to do that...
Cause I'm afraid of letting anyone get into my 'room'...
Anyone...
No one I wish for...
No exception...
yet...

How Do I Say?

I walking away try to hide what inside. I mocking you I always try to stay away
And when we cross the path I pretend and fake like I don’t care so I know you’ll heard that ‘I don’t like you baby’
You come closer “I don’t care.” You sit closer, still try to not care. You suddenly gone. “Yes I care.”

The truth I always high when you around. I just don’t how to act cause baby I’m losing my mind; I miss you, I need you but then how do I say it?

Act so nonchalant every time she’s around you. Though that I look fine my heart burning inside
I could only put a smile above my rage I never had the guts to make you know that I like you baby, don’t you know that I like you baby?
You come closer, yes I care. You sit closer, my heart race, you suddenly gone yes I break

Maybe I not pretty I’m just a geek with a guitar on her hands
But I least I can sing this song I made for you

Cause baby I will always fly with you all around. I will always wrong in act cause baby you turning my mind

How do I say.mp3

Siding You

Falling down the hole of a beautiful mistake and I found you
Illusion of colors blurring my undefined world when I found you
You are the best thing in the world right when I found you baby
So I will never let you I won’t ever let you fall
But then you cut me down you let me fall down the hole

That day I walked out the door and still wishing that you’re okay
You’re act so nonchalant and yet I still wish that you care
But yes I faked the rage to hide the truth that I still care to you
And now I try to fix the way my heart siding you

Riding back to town the second you call and said that you want me
You were crying in my arm but it was her name that you said
Realize your heart now get so far away
You still the best thing here that I ever found
You’re the best thing

And even you tore my heart apart and kick it off the ground
You know the door will always open you know my heart will always open
You know my faith will always on you, you know

Though you had left on the side of road called pain
As long as I breathe I won’t give up on you

That day I walked out the door I knew I would left my heart there
I kindda miss you but you just so far away
And yes you’re right on my lap but I know it’s her on you head so it’ll be a waste for me to change the way of my heart from siding you


new lyric, song come up soon :)

Am I Really Gonna Change?

I had this conversation one day with my friend. We were actually talking about his girlfriend but then I turned...somewhere else which made me think about it afterward.

Me : She's change, you know after being with you. In positive way I mean.
My Friend.: Really? Well then everybody's change when they're dating.
Me : (Raised my eyebrows in disagreement) I won't, at least not that extreme.(In my mind: Why would I want to change into that sweet and soft girl just because I had a boyfriend?)
My Friend: Well I bet you will. You just won't realize it.

Until yesterday I do believe I won't change and that conversation was starting to fade away from my mind. The thing is that last night dream made me think about it again this morning.
"I was on the arcade with friends. I was having fun until I suddenly started searching for somewhere. Somebody asked who am I searching for but I couldn't verbalize the name. I could only say 'my boyfriend'. (Hell, I don't have any boyfriend. But, Okay, this is dream so just let it go how it wants.) Then I started to get panic and grumbled when I realized that I had to search for him on the whole mall. Great. But when I stepped out from the arcade I found him walked toward me. Jeez, I never knew that I could be so damn stupid but I ran straight to his embrace (damn this stupid dream) and after that I just couldn't get away from him. It was like I don't want to get anywhere far from him"
Okay, ever since I woke up I couldn't erase the feeling and the thought that the dream was actually stupidly fun and pleased. I've never been so much in love but it was just a dream for God Sake!
Okay, the point is; Am I really gonna change if I really had a boyfriend one day? I don't want to be that sticky and too depends on him. I imagine that when I had a boyfriend then both of us would be just as independent as we used to with addition each of us inside each of us' heads. I imagine I wouldn't want him all the time, I would just has him as someone who would help me through anything that come for me. But seriously, being so sticky and depending? That would be so not me! Mark my word;

"If I do change into that soft depending sweet girl then it means I'm going crazy"

You can drag me to the nearest asylum if you think that necessary. 

Anyway, I do think about these questions;

     

 

Alone (New Song I made)

The day you came around, I got sparks inside my heart

You caught me into your arms, made think that world was bright

I was falling way too deep until I opened up the masks

But you cut me down…..

You and I….

You and I alone, we no longer friend, you and I alone

Different roads are found we’re separate, you and I alone

I closed my eyes and threw the past, you and I alone

Now let me sew my heart cause it wounded up when we are alone

Here comes the rain and I’m aching here and it become worst when I see your tears

Can we go alone, from now?

You and I alone, we’re no longer friend, you and I alone

You and I alone, we’re no longer mates, you and I alone

You and I alone, we’re no longer lover, you and I alone

But can we go alone, yes you can but can I go alone?

Alone (The song I made, click here to download)

N.B: Don't mind the noise please :) 

A Bowl Of Noodles

 

A Bowl Of Noodles

It's just a bowl of noodles

but it's my mom's serve

so it's not just a bowl of noodles

In this bowl of noodles

I got drown in memories

when I got bowls of noodles

and my mom at home for rest

a bowl of noodles

that night

feels like bowls of loves

because it's my mom's serve

and it's my mom's bowl of noodles 

I Adore 'em (Part 1)

Friends and friendship are hard things to explain. There are a lot of ups and downs along with it even in the very first of the acquaintance. But one thing I'm deathly sure about it is that I adore these peoples called friends. Not just because they are there as friends but because what they are and what they had inside...

Tyana Rahestrie
I adore her, my little bunny :P. Everybody loves her, she know how to get along, she know how to act in the middle of any situation and she's adoreable. She might be petit, somehow look fragile but somewhere within she know how to survive even in the hardest scenario. She didn't think like a girl used to think. She didn't put emotion above logic which made her become that strong girl I know. I Adore My Little Bunny :) 
 
 Irawati Ayu Rembulan
My Ex-Chairmate :) She's talkative, can't stay put on one place with one thing and yet when her mood goes down she would turn soooo damn creepy :p. I adore her with her confident. She's smart, such a loyal friend and most of it, I adore her mind that always goes out of the box :) She's fashionable and always successfully made me feel so messy when I stand beside her. I adore my Ex-Chairmate :)

  Sarri Setiyowardhani
Little Miss Cutie/Emo (Random) Yeah, cut yet she had such a hard heart and head :p She's childish but somehow there are some points when she seemed to know what she really want more than the other. I adore her courage on spilling out what's on her mind without mind the time, place or situation. All I know, she's brave and even though she used to lost her way and point of view but once she made it, she know she mean it. I adore my lil' miss cutie/emo :) 

 Debby Damayanti
My Model Wanna be :) She's funny! Really! She's beautiful, friendly and really, really funny. I don't know whether she meant it but every words that came out from her mouth always something...unexpected in funny ways. I adore her beauty and her funny thought :) Honestly, I really think she could be a model one day. I adore my model wanna be :)  
 Kenanga Wungu
My Queen! I don't know why but I adore her so much. For me, she's a perfect figure of wife, she's creative, kind, friendly and it seems like she sees the world with beauty perspective which made herself beautiful as well. I adore the way she always look perfect and well-organize. In fact, I adore everything about her. I look up at her but well, I can't be like her though. If I can read aura she would be all over pink and peach. That's just her and I adore my Queen :)

 Endah Pangestuti
My Miss Glommy! LOL, I know, that's not a really nice name but she somehow always look gloomy. But well, she's really nice! She's just as logical as she's emotional. I adore the way she always notice about her friends and the way she stay strong when bad things come. Oh, one wonderful thing; she really really well-organized. She seems like had a beat with time :) I adore my miss gloomy :) 
 Theofani R. R
My Miss Adorable! Wow, I can't forget how much boys that ran toward you :p and just how slow your connection is. LOL. No pun intended, okay? Anyway, Fanny is such a sweet friendly girl. She's nice to everyone and so I adore her sweetness and her charm :) A lot of guy annoy her but still she smile on them and what I adore the most is her positive way of thinking! I adore my miss adorable :) 

Ariani Dwi Puteri
  My Miss Intended Smile :p Always, her smile means something and I had no dictionary to enterprise it. Anyway, she's such a fun girl, good at basketball and tough one. I adore her courage and her power! Even though she sometimes act grumpy she's actually had a soft heart -according to me ;p- I adore my Miss Intended Smile :)

Azalia Zatadini
My Miss Doraemon! Yeay! She loves Doraemon sooo much until sometimes I'm wondering; which one she loves the most? Doreaemon or her boy-friend? Lol, just random question. So, Azza is such a sweet girl, fun and active. She seems so in to social activities. I adore her matureness and her wonderful mind. She seems to know what she want exactly and had a good sense for which one is good and which one is bad. I adore my Miss Doraemon!!

 I Adore You

So, there goes the first part and hopefully I'll add the second part :) But since I got exams for a week....

X.O.X.O 

Hard Days

I can't believe that tomorrow would be my first day of School Final Exams. I thought nothing could get worst. Well, I'm wrong. My Grandma just got into the Hospital this morning. Really, I could never see this coming. She's a strong woman. So independent and rarely got sick. Now I have to deal with the fact that she's lying weakly on Hospital bed...Gosh, that's just not her and it hurts me...

GET WELL SOON GRANDMA, ALREADY MISS YOU

I remember my Grandma always here at home with me when my parents couldn't. In fact, my parents are more likely my Grandma and Grandpa. They are here a lot more than my biological parents. They showered with me love, attention and it never too much until I become this independent girl. They know what to do, they had the biggest love I ever know. For all I know, I love them and I never ready to lose them....

Cries and Confession

Okay, so today's school activities -beside studying like usually - was prying together for our examination. There was this guy from ESQ association that came to our school and gave us some talks about exam preparation. Started from Intellectual preparation, Emotional until spiritual. I knew I hate this thing so much but then I convinced myself that this would be the last time. I won't be in this kind of situation next time, so why didn't 'enjoy' this 'good' thing for once in my life?
  For what I noticed was that almost all my friends were cry because of the talk and things. Me? I cried, at last, since I noticed that I would be such a heartless person if I didn't. Well, doesn't mean that I didn't want to cry at all because of the talk things. The subject was really touching my heart and -beside all the emotional tickling moments- are very logic and made a lot of senses. I mean, it wasn't all about realizing who we are, what we want and our Creator but also put some logical senses that forced us -or in this case, me- to realize that we are fighting not just for ourselves but for our parents and loves ones as well. All this time I always tell myself that I don't really need these things such as school, good University and good future. But then again, I know they (my parents and everyone that care about me) will be really glad and proud if they can believe that I'll get the best future and life. So, the point is that I'll doing all these craps not just for myself but for them. Really, for me it is better to fight for someone else than for ourselves.

I got this point of view that we can take care of ourselves. When we did something, we knew the consequences and we knew -hopefully- that we could deal with it. But what if that thing happen to other people? I don't mean to underestimate other people than me but people's endurances are different from one and the other. Me, I personally think that I could handle anything. Well, if I fall then it would be me alone. I don't mind being along and fall by myself. But I don't think they'll think the same as I does. The thing is; I want to be there when they fall so they don't have to feel all alone. Because I know it's suck being along even though I said I don't mind, doesn't mean I like it.
So, about sacrifice and doing school's craps; I'll do it for my parents and people who care about me -which I doubt there would be a lot- so they would be proud of me and didn't have to blame themselves that they had failed from making me the best person.    

Study hard for the first time!

Yikes! For all my life I had never been studying this hard. Jeez, I spent like 6 hours a day stuck in front of my books. And well, just for one subject, Math. I started to worry about the other subjects like civilization, history, Indonesian and such. Gosh, the minimum score just so not minimum. 70, every time I had an exam I never passed 70 for Civil, History, Indonesian and some other subjects. Gosh, what will happen with my future :( Psychology, psychology, psychology, I had to be a psychologist!
 

Seconds to Go...

Unexpectedly, my School Final Exam and National Final Exam are coming in two months! Well, in fact, School Final Exam is next week. Waks! Duh, if you ask whether I'm ready or not the answer will be NEVER READY. Seriously, a lot of subject will be tested next week and the minimum score is 70. For God sake that's a hell of minimum score. I just can't believe I have to get through this again...*sigh*
Anyway, I just want to make every moments count because I just realize that no matter how cruel and suck life is it still something we can laugh and cry on where we're old. Maybe this hell called exam will be crazily funny and sad once I'm 70 or something. The other thing is that High-School friends are irreplaceable. Seriously, I haven't graduate yet but I already regret that I waste my High-School time. When I was on grade 10 and 11 I always thought that it's time for me to grow up and don't act like those ordinary girls with their ordinary habit. But, Jeez, I regret it as much as hell! I want to turn back time and do everything all over again like a ordinary girl no matter how much I hate being in common with everyone. The fact is, I want to be like them...
Damn, okay, cut those dramas off. I don't like whining on my blog *laughing*. Well, then it's hot here in my city and I'm dying to get on hours cold shower. You know sweat could be really, really annoying and uncomfortable.
Hmmm, let's see if there any important things I should write here....nope, just want to bubble out about random things and well, exams.

X.O.X.O

Middle Start

Great, I thought I could start my blog in New Year but well, I couldn't. So from now on I should remind myself that I should blog more often.
For this post I'll talk about my EIGHT BIGGEST DREAMS which I make for the rest of my life. Okay, maybe not the rest of my life like 'period' or something.
First, I want to get settled on Montana. Why Montana? Honestly, I had no idea. I just read an article about Montana and boom, I fell in love with the view. Okay, maybe I got one reason; it looks peaceful and had a lot of trees. LOL. I know, I love trees.

                                                               Lake Superior -  Montana


Second, I want my own Coffee Shop! Gosh, that's my dream since I was a kid. I know I don't have any skill or knowledge about coffee but hey, I love coffee like a boyfriend! I want that simple and classic coffee shop where people could relax, spend the day with book on their hands and good weather as their friends. My coffee would cheer them up!


Third, I want to be a Psychologist. Well, this one is short term. If I'm lucky then I'll go to University of Indonesia, take Psychology degree which means one step closer to my dream! Yeay! Gosh, I can't wait to become a Psychologist. I still confuse though whether I want to take Clinical Psychology or that one that make me possible to work on a big company.

Fourth, fifth and sixt will be Paris, London and Rome! I want to see Paris from Eiffel Tower, see London from London Eye and go around Rome. Jeez, those places are amazing! I know there are a lot of better places on earth but what the hell, my heart is on them!


  

 

 Seventh, would be traveling around with...(laughing) actually I still don't know who will I bring for my 'round the world journey but faith will take me to him at last. 

Eight and the last would be a nice peaceful life. Well, quiet the same with my first dream. The different is that at this last dream I decide I don't want to have any dream left. I'll dedicate my life to my husband and children. Over all, I'll dedicate my life for people around me. :) 

See, those are dreams and this is reality. No one say that they can't get along :)