Q : What life's gonna be after Graduate? (Letter for you)

Well, with that one million dollars question then a lot of a hundred dollars questions will follow up. My Graduation is less than a month and I started to have these questions pop ups in my head. Most of them are about life after Graduation, friendship after graduation, ect. I'll write it down and remind me please that 'I'll have to answer these questions in 6 months'


1. Could I and my friends stay in touch?
2. Could we be just as close as today?
3. Could we still hang out together with our new random schedule?
4. Would any of us change too much until we barely recognize each other?
5. Are we going to forget each other because of our new friends and environment?
6. Does 'Best-friend' label strong enough to make us stick together since we had different classes or even University?


Those are my big six questions since I can't think more of it tonight. Weird. I got a lot this afternoon but when night comes up....Oh, well. Anyway these questions are just the result of my paranoia. I'm afraid that I'll lose everything and everyone since these peoples are the most real 'friends' I ever had. I don't mean to be lame or act like a drama queen and makes everything sounds too much and too melancholy but that's just how I feel.

Confession Part I : What 'FRIENDS' meant
Ever since I could understand the word FRIEND all I can describe about it is that a friend is someone we can use to play, have fun, share some laugh and pleased. When I had a friend the only thing that came through my mind was this one "Do whatever she want me to do. Please her or you'll lose her. You can bear this but she can't." And as the result; I never say no, never argue, tried to not get mad even if she got out of the line. Stupid me....

Confession Part II : What 'FRIENDS' means, nowadays
For me, they are precious things that I will never let go. Now, I'm not only want to make them happy but I also want to protect them. I want to help them in any way I could. This time it's not like I arrogantly thought that they are the one who needs me but I also need them more than they know. I was lost, crazy and even heartless. I didn't know what 'care' means, I didn't know what sympathy means and hell, I don't even want to help anyone who didn't ask. But ever since I knew these peoples I understand and learnt a lot of things. I just don't know how to thank enough....

Best Wishes for :

Ariani Dwi Puteri

Azalia Zatadhini

Debby Damayanti

Endah Pangestuti

Irawati Ayu Rembulan

Kenanga Wungu

Sarri Setyowardhani 

Theofani R.R

Tyana Rahestrie

Thanks for revived me from whatever got into me

Best Wishes too for :

Dyah Indraswari

Putri Juwita

Maria H. Lado

Muhammad Hadi

Naufal Dzulfikar

And them who I can't write one by one

Thanks for being there and being patient enough to hear all my crazy whines :)

These are really nothing....

Stupid Thing

You stole my breath right when I saw you

You stole my breath when you said you wanted me

You stole my breath when we were together

You stole my breath when I have to take the decision

You stole my breath and made me cry when I said it was over

then...

You stole my breath again when I saw you

You stole my breath again when you passed me by

Not just stole my breath, my world was rocking and rumbling when you walked over me

Then....

I just realized how much I missed you

how much I've hurt you

and just how so unfair I was....

I seriously had no idea why would I wrote that kind of thing but that just pretty much how I felt when I saw my ex today at my Junior High reunion. I was the one who broke up with him but if I could say it honestly it wasn't because I didn't like him anymore. It was...something more complicated. One thing I learnt from this stupid thing is that;

 'I would never ever give up what I have just for an uncertain hope'

because that was what I did and I regretted it so much. Boy, if I could just make you read this...How could you turned my mind from that son of a bitch that always consumed my world and made me wanting you like this? Jeez, this is really didn't sound like me....  

Little Thing Called Love

"Love like letting someone into your room, even when it’s a mess. It’s embarassing, and they can see what a wreck you’ve made of everything. You try to push things under the bed, and into the closet so they won’t see. But they discover those things anyway, help you clean, and put them right back where they belong"
Quoted it from someone....
And I know it will be long 'till I'm ready to do that...
Cause I'm afraid of letting anyone get into my 'room'...
Anyone...
No one I wish for...
No exception...
yet...

How Do I Say?

I walking away try to hide what inside. I mocking you I always try to stay away
And when we cross the path I pretend and fake like I don’t care so I know you’ll heard that ‘I don’t like you baby’
You come closer “I don’t care.” You sit closer, still try to not care. You suddenly gone. “Yes I care.”

The truth I always high when you around. I just don’t how to act cause baby I’m losing my mind; I miss you, I need you but then how do I say it?

Act so nonchalant every time she’s around you. Though that I look fine my heart burning inside
I could only put a smile above my rage I never had the guts to make you know that I like you baby, don’t you know that I like you baby?
You come closer, yes I care. You sit closer, my heart race, you suddenly gone yes I break

Maybe I not pretty I’m just a geek with a guitar on her hands
But I least I can sing this song I made for you

Cause baby I will always fly with you all around. I will always wrong in act cause baby you turning my mind

How do I say.mp3

Siding You

Falling down the hole of a beautiful mistake and I found you
Illusion of colors blurring my undefined world when I found you
You are the best thing in the world right when I found you baby
So I will never let you I won’t ever let you fall
But then you cut me down you let me fall down the hole

That day I walked out the door and still wishing that you’re okay
You’re act so nonchalant and yet I still wish that you care
But yes I faked the rage to hide the truth that I still care to you
And now I try to fix the way my heart siding you

Riding back to town the second you call and said that you want me
You were crying in my arm but it was her name that you said
Realize your heart now get so far away
You still the best thing here that I ever found
You’re the best thing

And even you tore my heart apart and kick it off the ground
You know the door will always open you know my heart will always open
You know my faith will always on you, you know

Though you had left on the side of road called pain
As long as I breathe I won’t give up on you

That day I walked out the door I knew I would left my heart there
I kindda miss you but you just so far away
And yes you’re right on my lap but I know it’s her on you head so it’ll be a waste for me to change the way of my heart from siding you


new lyric, song come up soon :)

Am I Really Gonna Change?

I had this conversation one day with my friend. We were actually talking about his girlfriend but then I turned...somewhere else which made me think about it afterward.

Me : She's change, you know after being with you. In positive way I mean.
My Friend.: Really? Well then everybody's change when they're dating.
Me : (Raised my eyebrows in disagreement) I won't, at least not that extreme.(In my mind: Why would I want to change into that sweet and soft girl just because I had a boyfriend?)
My Friend: Well I bet you will. You just won't realize it.

Until yesterday I do believe I won't change and that conversation was starting to fade away from my mind. The thing is that last night dream made me think about it again this morning.
"I was on the arcade with friends. I was having fun until I suddenly started searching for somewhere. Somebody asked who am I searching for but I couldn't verbalize the name. I could only say 'my boyfriend'. (Hell, I don't have any boyfriend. But, Okay, this is dream so just let it go how it wants.) Then I started to get panic and grumbled when I realized that I had to search for him on the whole mall. Great. But when I stepped out from the arcade I found him walked toward me. Jeez, I never knew that I could be so damn stupid but I ran straight to his embrace (damn this stupid dream) and after that I just couldn't get away from him. It was like I don't want to get anywhere far from him"
Okay, ever since I woke up I couldn't erase the feeling and the thought that the dream was actually stupidly fun and pleased. I've never been so much in love but it was just a dream for God Sake!
Okay, the point is; Am I really gonna change if I really had a boyfriend one day? I don't want to be that sticky and too depends on him. I imagine that when I had a boyfriend then both of us would be just as independent as we used to with addition each of us inside each of us' heads. I imagine I wouldn't want him all the time, I would just has him as someone who would help me through anything that come for me. But seriously, being so sticky and depending? That would be so not me! Mark my word;

"If I do change into that soft depending sweet girl then it means I'm going crazy"

You can drag me to the nearest asylum if you think that necessary. 

Anyway, I do think about these questions;

     

 

Alone (New Song I made)

The day you came around, I got sparks inside my heart

You caught me into your arms, made think that world was bright

I was falling way too deep until I opened up the masks

But you cut me down…..

You and I….

You and I alone, we no longer friend, you and I alone

Different roads are found we’re separate, you and I alone

I closed my eyes and threw the past, you and I alone

Now let me sew my heart cause it wounded up when we are alone

Here comes the rain and I’m aching here and it become worst when I see your tears

Can we go alone, from now?

You and I alone, we’re no longer friend, you and I alone

You and I alone, we’re no longer mates, you and I alone

You and I alone, we’re no longer lover, you and I alone

But can we go alone, yes you can but can I go alone?

Alone (The song I made, click here to download)

N.B: Don't mind the noise please :) 

A Bowl Of Noodles

 

A Bowl Of Noodles

It's just a bowl of noodles

but it's my mom's serve

so it's not just a bowl of noodles

In this bowl of noodles

I got drown in memories

when I got bowls of noodles

and my mom at home for rest

a bowl of noodles

that night

feels like bowls of loves

because it's my mom's serve

and it's my mom's bowl of noodles